There is no telling where this blog post will lead. I am literally just writing how I feel and what I am thinking at this moment in time. The last post I wrote about was Valentine's Day. While I made myself push through the day and while I promised myself I would not let the day bother me, the next day I was a complete wreck...go figure! My problem is simple...trust. I have lost a lot of hope and trust. The one person I shared the most intimate parts of my life with, hurt me and betrayed me. While he may not have meant to do those things and while he probably doesn't see the effect he has had on me, I have been devastated. Yes, I am getting better everyday, but I'm ready to be completely better everyday. I know that will not happen over night and I know that it will take time, but it's just hard. I understand ending something that you feel has died, but having no remorse or not checking on the person you said you were going to spend the rest of your life with, is difficult to process. I truly believed the Lord bought us together to learn from each other and grow together. We did that but we also took each other for granted and I refuse to ever do that again. I lost a piece of my heart and my life and it is the hardest thing to get back.I was talking to my friend Lucas last night about this whole situation. He and Erin, and all my friends have been so great through this difficult time and they have supported me and loved me through the hardest of times. He said something to me last night that I really appreciated and that I want to start doing. If you knew Lucas, you would know that he is a very sarcastic and honest person. He is also one of the most genuine and loving guys I have ever met. I trust Lucas and I know he would do absolutely anything for me and anything to make me happy! Anyway, we were talking and he told me I need to start looking forward to the small events or things in my life. All too often we look forward to the big things in life and fail to get excited about the little things. For example, really looking forward to 8:00pm on Wednesdays, to watch One Tree Hill. While this is super small, it can help me get through my day with something to look forward too. Right now I am looking forward to spending next weekend in DC with Erin, Lucas, and the boys. While this may seem simple, I think we all can admit we look at the big picture and big future and not really the here and now. He said, "I look forward to the little things and I pray." That's exactly what I need to do more of. Look and pray. The Lord has a plan for me and I know it is more than I could ever hope for or dream! Until then, I look forward to the small things, in order to build up to the big things.